I hate falling for guys and then feeling like he's going to end up doing the same thing
that every other guy has done to me.
I'm just really sick of it..
There's only been one guy to ever really make that feeling go away,
but I haven't talked to him in a while
and I haven't seen him in a while either.
I'm kinda sad about that.
And yes, it's kind of my own fault that I haven't talked to him,
but I've just been busy, and haven't been home for a while.
And he's been busy too, and I know that..
I dunno.. I just don't feel like he's going to hurt me like the others have,
but I feel like the other guys I've met are going to end up doing the same thing as the others.
So I have no idea what to do about this.
Maybe I should just lay low with things like this until after Christmas
when I'm not so stressed out and just worried about everything.
Maybe it's just better if I stick with my gut on this one and keep with the
one I know who won't hurt me.
But see then there's that side, well, what if this guy isn't going to hurt me either?
He might be just like this one, someone I can actually trust with my emotions,
but I don't know.
And I thought I was finished with all my guy problems.
Yes I had figured out the one that came up earlier, that one was simple.. it was too late..
But this one.. I don't know about this one.. Someone new..
But how am I to know?
Let's just play it by ear.. But when have I even done that?
Maybe I should just play it safe for once, and stick with what I know, how I feel.
Not just some lusting.. Yes, maybe I do have feelings for him, but I don't know.
I do know, that what I feel for the one who won't hurt me, is real, and true.
But I'm just sick of waiting. He knows that, I know that.
But it's how it has to work.
Maybe it's not meant to be, maybe this other guy is right.. but I'm never going to know.
I just hate this feeling that I've got right now.

..maybe I'll add to this later.. maybe I'll have more to say later.. Maybe I won't, but I don't know..